


weak

by sonatines



Series: drops of hope from something broken [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Concerned Mark Lee, Eating Disorders, Insecure Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, M/M, Purging, Self-Hatred, major tw!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:18:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonatines/pseuds/sonatines
Summary: donghyuck is destroying himself, but all he wants is control.he doesn't get it.





	weak

**Author's Note:**

> *major trigger warning: please do not read this if you're recovering or you know this will trigger you!!
> 
> i do not actually believe hyuck has an ed, he's just my emotional support kpop boy and i wrote this to vent because,,, its been t u f f lately ngl. 
> 
> once again, this is triggering content so Please proceed with caution, and thank you for reading <3  
> (i will probably vent some more and add future chapters to this work)

_ failure. _

that word looped over and over in donghyuck’s head, like a mantra. he was used to the self-hatred, but it still hurt just as much every single time. he had been 87 hours into his 96 hour fast, pushing himself to get to the fourth day mark. it didn’t happen. 

donghyuck fucked up. he’d arrived home from class to his flat he shared with mark, just like every other day. but today, he felt unstoppable. as if he were light as a feather, floating through the day, the thought of food shoved far to the back of his mind, untouched. he felt like he was doing something right, the emptiness of his stomach aching in the best way. all of it came crashing the moment he opened the fridge, originally seeking only a water and a diet coke to take back to his room.

his roommate had obviously gone grocery shopping in the morning, filling the empty fridge with all sorts of foods. fuck. and half of its contents being donghyuck’s biggest binge foods.  _ fuck _ . mark has known donghyuck since they were preteens, and he knows all of his favorites. back then, donghyuck would have felt grateful, but right now, he’s mildly irritated and unbelievably terrified. 

he doesn’t remember where and when he started, it’s all just a blur. a big regretful blur. it’s like a switch flipped and suddenly he couldn’t stop, continuing to grab and grab and eat and eat, even when his mind was begging him to  _ stop. _ but he couldn’t stop, at least not until he recognized the feeling of being nearly full. the sensation made his eyes widen, snapping him out of it, turning the temporary satisfaction into intense panic and regret. 

now hyuck is on the bathroom floor, sobbing into the toilet bowl with red knuckles and an awful taste in his mouth. he reckons he’s probably being way too loud, but his roommate’s still at his evening class, and donghyuck couldn’t care less about the neighbors right now. he stuck his fingers down his throat once more, just to make sure everything that could come out was out, craving the feeling of being empty again. 

the only thing that wasn’t empty now was his mind. word after word coming to attack, filled with poison and all too familiar. they race through his head, causing guilt and shame to seep deeper into his bones. he feels weak as he stands up on shaking legs, only wanting to clean up fall into bed.

when hyuck enters his room, he’s met with the sight of his roommate sleeping in his own bed with his back turned, facing the wall. donghyuck stands frozen for a minute, trying to make sense of the fact that he’s home early and has been in the flat the whole time. hyuck’s face was still red and tear-stained, but he sighed in relief, seeing as mark was still asleep. the older slept like the dead, and donghyuck couldn’t be more grateful for that in that moment. he was tired and didn’t want to think anymore, so he climbed into his own bed and gave into the exhaustion, letting sleep overtake him almost instantly. 

what donghyuck didn’t know was that mark was wide awake, staring at the wall with glossed over eyes and an open mouth. his heart was aching after he’d made sense of what he’d heard, and all he could do was wonder just how much pain his best friend was carrying and keeping from him. every strange thing about hyuck that he has observed in the past was no longer insignificant, and suddenly painted a much bigger, much more morbid picture. mark doesn’t know what to do, and he’s afraid.


End file.
